You ever get to a point in your life where you just feel like being alone by your self, or moving far away from the people that's in your life, or running from your problems and giving up.
This is the way I am feeling today and yesterday, all weekend.
I'm not afraid to speak my mind, and state the way I feel. If this post offends whoever maybe reading it, then I'm sorry, but you might better stop where your at and not read it. This is my Blog, my words, my opinions, I can say what I want. I have been holding so much anger inside of me for so long now, and am sick of being nice, and being someone I'm not! I'm tired of living in the same house as the in-laws! Tired of family drama! Wish I had a/my family! Want to move far out of SC as I possibly can, & live with my own little family, my husband, & son. Sick of people telling me what to do! Sick of people trying to control my life! Just plain ole' sick of everything! Why can't we all have a normal life & stay out of peoples business?!? I really had to relieve some pressure off my chest, and it's sad to say that I have to express my feelings on some stupid blog. Why am I so scared to state my feelings & open my mouth in real life?!? I'm an adult now, and shouldn't have to hold things in for so long. But I've always been this way, the scared one, the girl who is afraid to hurt other peoples feelings, someone who keeps it all built up inside until I explode w/ anger, the innocent, nice, sweet, little Kim! Maybe I don't want to be that same girl anymore, maybe I should open up to others and really state the way I feel. I need my mamma's back bone for once! I don't want anyone letting me down anymore. I have a son now, that I HAVE to stand up for & stay strong for. So if your reading this, and this has taken affect on you, I'm sorry.
I'm not sure why God makes things difficult in our life, but I do know it's such a hard road to live by.
I really feel like everyday, my husband & I will never get anywhere in life if we continue to do the things we're doing today. I feel like we're never going to move into our own home, and enjoy our own family. I just worry & think about so many things for our future, and never see an ending. It's always one thing or the other. So many things that come up out of nowhere.
-Have you ever felt this way? If so, feel free to tell me & maybe we can compare & share our stories & reasons together.
For those of you who is reading this please pray for me! I don't know why I'm feeling so depressed the week before my mom comes home, & the week of my son's 1st birthday. But I do know I better cheer up, because I'd hate to be in a foul mood for my son's big day!
Now I feel some what (not really) better. Sigh.....
But I'm not afraid!!!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
I'm not Afraid
Posted @ 7:29 AM
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9 sweet friend had something to say:
awww, Kim, i'm so sorry and sad you feel that way. I can't imagine living with other people. shoot, we rent out the upstairs apartment of our house and i can't stand it!! living w/ family when you have your own family to take care of is very tough.
i don't know your whole situation but i do hope that you find some answers. I will pray for you. Your son needs you and your hubby needs you. Make his birthday a special one!!! If you need to chat or vent, feel free to email me (or call me... i can give you my number... i'm an outsider, so i won't be taking any sides!) ;)
love ya
I'll keep you in my prayers Kim. I know that has got to be hard. I can't imagine living with family member other than my husband and daughter. I know it's hard, but understand that we all go through trials (and yours is a big one) but know that this will only bring you closer to Him! Just don't say anything you would regret later. Your a beautiful, loving, Christian mother and I know that you only want the best for your family. I'm here if you need to talk!
Girl, we all have these moments. It will get better. Thinking and praying for ya!!!
sorry you are feeling this way hun. you are in my thoughts and prayers.
you need to be strong! do you and your husband have goals set? things to accomplish to be able to move out of your in-laws and live on your own?
i think it will happen if you two can focus and make it happen!
i've been down before, way down...i was totally betrayed by someone i spent more than a year of my life with. when that chapter ended i thought i was going to lose everything. i had to pick myself up and be positive and just move forward. it was not easy but i did everything that i could to get by. then i met my fiance and right after he moved in he lost his job. we struggled for a while. i got a part time job while working full time as well. he then got a good job (he doesn't have a college degree) and he also now coaches hockey. everything has fallen into place for us in these past 3 years. i couldn't be happier now! we all have roller coaster lives ;)
i believe god has a plan for everyone. everything will be okay hun. you are a beautiful momma and wife! i don't know what it would be like to live with in-laws but i'm positive it wouldn't be easy.
keep a smile on your face and have a blast at your son's first birthday!!
if you want to chat more, feel free to email me!
sending lots of *hugs* your way!
(sorry for the super long comment,hehe)
OH my goodness!!!!! i felt like I could have written that post! I know how you feel more than you can know!!!!! I'll shoot you an email in alittle while....things are crazy here now with school starting tomorrow. If I forget remind me...!!!! because I am likely to forget anything right now :)
Hang in there girl!!!!!
I can totally relate to this post. The problem with family drama is that they are your family. Family will always be around so when you hurt a relationship badly enough it is something that you pretty much will have to deal with as long as you are part of that family. So if you say something then you feel relieved but have to deal with the consequences. If you don't then you build up a bunch of crazy feelings inside of you. It is pretty much a lose lose situation. I hope that made sense!
I think that every family has their share of issues. I know mine certainly does.
I truely hope that you are able to find peace and that things start to look better for you. I will keep you in my prayers!
My hubby and I lived with my parents for almost 1 1/2 years when we first moved to SC. Emmy was 9 months old when we first moved. Our house in Michigan took forever to sell, and there were PLENTY of times that I just wanted to forget everything and go back to Michigan, back to my friends, and get out of my parents' house! Living in someone else's space is definitely not ideal.
However, it got better! Once our house in MI finally sold, we were able to afford our own place here in SC - moved in 3 days before our 2nd baby was born - fast forward almost 3 years to today, we are still here in our own place, happy, now expecting baby #3. Just don't think it is hopeless - I don't know your situation, but know that God has a plan for you and what is meant to be will ALWAYS find a way!
This is my first post on your blog and I wanted to comment for a few reasons: Number one because I read you're a deer hunter and I am too, and us deer hunter gals have to stick together!
The second reason being, I 100% feel you on not being able to stand up for yourself all the time. It may as well have been me writing a lot of that post because I'm the exact same way... known as the sweet girl who would never say anything confrontational, when sometimes on the inside I'm about to explode. And I'm "just" a single girl... I can't imagine having a young family and having to also worry about in-law drama while being stuck living with them. It must be so frustrating for you. Ugh.
Just remember that God will give you strength when you think there's none to be found, and He WILL get you through this. When we face trials, it seems unending in the midst of it all. But once you're out of this situation you will be SO much stronger for it.
I am praying for you darlin'! And I'll also pray for your in-laws, that they might be a tad easier to live with until the three of you can find another place. You can do this!!
hugs,
Emily
Thanks for your comment! I hunt with my dad in upstate New York... not as much as I'd like to though, because of school. I haven't gotten a deer yet but I'm hopeful! I saw the picture of your 6-point. Awesome!
Emily
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